You're Wrong, Harry

When I was a little kid, I had a neighbor named Matt.  Matt's mom and my mother became friends when Matt and I started at Castle Nursery School, and he we went to school together for the next 15 years.   Both of us grew up with allergies and asthma, and we bonded over antihistamines and allergy shots.

 In high school, Matt and I used to joke that if we didn't find anyone to marry by the time we were 30, we'd get married and name our kids Sneezy and Wheezy.  Of course, he met his future wife and started dating her before we got out of high school, and we were both probably relieved that we didn't have to keep our pretend promise to conceive children with potentially faulty lungs.   His family and mine are still friends, and his sister is like another sister to me.  When I run into him, we hug and laugh about our childhood memories.

Can men and women be friends?  The great Nora Ephron's Harry from When Harry Met Sally says no, but I beg to differ.  

Frank and Butch: my bookends for the annual 4H fair concerts

There was Mike, the Sig Ep engineer at the University of Cincinnati, who built my dorm bunk beds for me and generally treated me like a little sister, even though we were the same age.

Darryl, my friend from working in the intramurals department, who would call me wearily every time the fire alarm was set off at the all-boys' dorm Calhoun Hall to see if my roommate was home, and if she would mind if he crashed on our floor for the rest of the night.

Tim, my confidante and sports-loving friend who stayed up all night lined up for basketball tickets with me.

Butch, who is just about part of the Vander Hey family by now.  

Brothers Jeremi and Ian, whom I've known since we were 13, who are dynamic and fun and incredible people.  And soon to be Austinites.

My Duluth neighbor Erich, one of the sweetest souls in the world.

The friends I've made in the aviation industry; guys I've met like John, Forrest, Todd, Michael, Justin, Kevin, Howard, Sean, and Brian, with whom I hang out on a regular basis on the road.  They protect me, make sure I get back to my hotel safely, bring me a drink, and smoke cigars with me. 

Steve, my friend who accompanied me to brunch and lunch and dinner and baseball games when I was picking myself up from my divorce.

All the ladies adore Scuba Steve

The guys I grew up with: Mark, Dan, Bruce, Jeremy, Gerard, David, Randy, Eric...

And so many more.  All of them put up with my faults and idiosyncrasies.  Like talking their ear off on a regular basis. 

Now, someone is likely to say, "Well, they might have had romantic feelings for you but didn't ever tell you."  I suppose that's possible, and I can't tell you that I didn't occasionally look at them and wonder for just a minute or two before I stopped to think about what their friendship meant to me.  I appreciated them for the priceless perspective, respect, and loyalty they brought to the friendship, and I never wanted to take the chance of risking that.

Frank, on his wedding day!

Last weekend, I got to see one of my best guy friends get married, and our mutual friend Rob was at the wedding too, with his adorable wife.  Frank and I were acquaintances in high school; I admired his long hair and tastes in music, and he worked at the record store with my sister.  At our ten-year high school reunion, Frank and I exchanged email addresses and became close shortly after that.  We talked on the phone, stayed in touch via email, and every time I came home, seeing Frank and his band play wherever they were booked was a priority.  In fact, I got lost coming home in a snowstorm in Middlebury and drove on icy roads a couple of years ago because I promised I'd be at Rulli's and I didn't want to let him down.

Rob and Jenn

When Frank found his dream girl, Launa, he brought her to my parents' house at Thanksgiving to meet me and my son.  I could see from the moment she said hello why he was crazy about this woman, and they gripped each others' hands with the intensity of new love.  A few months later, he sent me a text message with a photo of the ring.  He had wanted this for so long, and seeing his dreams come true was such sweet victory.

Can women and men be friends?  
Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  

To all of the guy friends in my life, I love you, and I love your wives and girlfriends too.  You have given me friendship filled with humor, and acceptance, and encouragement, and mutual adoration.   My life is better with you in it.

Ian and Jeremi, circa 2002