Believe: With a Little Help from your Friends
You may remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, written by John Gray. Whether or not men are indeed Martians and women Venusians,
the fact remains we are clearly different.
Toy stores separating gender-based items when our children are very
young, and you will be hard-pressed to find a boy’s toy swathed in pink or a
girl’s toy based on weaponry. (Although
the Hunger Games may have changed some of that; my niece asked for a bow and
arrow for her birthday this year.)
Although we may encourage our boys to learn to pretend with kitchen toys
and girls to have imaginative play with dinosaurs, there are still differences
to observe and even celebrate.
 |
| June's MomCom site: The Oasis |
 |
| Bonding with Christina |
When women get together as a group, there is a special kind of bonding in the room that is unlike what you’d experience in a co-ed function. Add inspirational speakers, tears, and laughter, and networking with other women in a way designed to get your butt in gear and give you hope to try harder to reach your goals, and you have MomCom. MomCom is a conference here in Austin for women of all ages and professions, from the stay-at-home mom who writes for her own blog, to the CEO of a successful software company.
The keynote speaker was Tiffany Harelik – the author of
Trailer Food Diaries and the founder of Austin’s food trailer festival
Gypsy Picnic. Tiffany shared some very
personal anecdotes about her children that brought tears to my eyes, and when
she told the story about a woman she had met who was rising from the ashes of
domestic abuse to run a successful food trailer, my friend Christina patted my
leg in comfort and I bit my lip to keep those tears from spilling over.
Tiffany lives by three tenets:
- Be kind to everyone
- Keep it simple
- Don’t be mild
Don’t be mild = Don’t be a watered-down version of yourself. This is my favorite one and the one that resonates with me the most as it relates to this story:
A couple of years
ago, an acquaintance from high school and I had re-connected online. When her dog died, I sent her personal
messages to console her. When I was in her state out west, we made plans to meet (the visit fell through due to scheduling, as
it happened). When I returned home to
Austin, I went to send her an old photo of us from the Junior Miss pageant in
1989 (and that's a whole 'nother story for a different time); I thought she’d enjoy it. I
discovered that we were no longer friends online, and when I tried to send her
an email, it was returned.
Confused, I asked a mutual friend to ask her if we had somehow gotten disconnected, and then I returned to her page. Not only did I find that it was still public, but she had posted a status about how awkward it was when someone you have unfriended sends you a friend request. I read on to find that she didn’t like what I had to say and was annoyed by my opinions (we were often at odds but discussed the issues calmly and respectfully). And then the statement that struck me in the heart: she said that moms of toddlers didn’t have any business writing blogs about being a parent.
Confused, I asked a mutual friend to ask her if we had somehow gotten disconnected, and then I returned to her page. Not only did I find that it was still public, but she had posted a status about how awkward it was when someone you have unfriended sends you a friend request. I read on to find that she didn’t like what I had to say and was annoyed by my opinions (we were often at odds but discussed the issues calmly and respectfully). And then the statement that struck me in the heart: she said that moms of toddlers didn’t have any business writing blogs about being a parent.
I stopped to think: did everyone think this? Was I spouting drivel about my experiences that no one wanted to read? Was my blog a glaring beacon of self-centered pageantry?
That day, I received a sign in the form of a message sent from out of the blue, from another friend I’ve known since elementary school:
Dear Kristin,
I just wanted to let
you know that I just started reading Two Cannoli; I have enjoyed reading it so much. I am amazed at how connected I feel to your
writing. I am not always good with words and I wish that I could express myself
the way you do. Then I think that sometimes you are writing for me. There are
several things that you have written that could be about me. It is almost weird….
and there are many things that you have written that touched a part of me. I
feel our lives have been running parallel to each other, without us ever
knowing it. Please keep writing and I will keep reading.
This friend doesn’t follow my fan page or ever comment on my blog and I had no idea she was reading, nor did I know we had so much in common. This turned my day around more than she could ever know.
What I learned from the experience was exactly what Tiffany recommended:
This friend doesn’t follow my fan page or ever comment on my blog and I had no idea she was reading, nor did I know we had so much in common. This turned my day around more than she could ever know.
What I learned from the experience was exactly what Tiffany recommended:
Be nice. Be true. Be
yourself.
One person who doesn’t like you does not determine who you are and where you’re headed. It will hurt, yes. It will sting. But it can’t keep you down. I can be thankful for the lesson and remember life goes by too quickly to let others make me doubt myself. I have toned down significantly the number of controversial issues I discuss online; I am more likely to send a link to a friend and talk about it one on one instead of having public debates. However, I can’t pretend that I don’t have the belief system I have and I can’t stand down when I want to stand up for myself and what I feel strongly about.
Among many, many other things, this is the value of MomCom. If you have any doubt that you can achieve,
grow, DO… just listen for a while. You
don’t even have to be at a conference like MomCom to pay attention to the women
in your life who are doing great things and making a difference, not only for
their families, but for their companies and the community.
And remember, others want to hear your story too. You never know when you’re going to inspire someone. Keep going. Keep believing. Keep being true to yourself.
One person who doesn’t like you does not determine who you are and where you’re headed. It will hurt, yes. It will sting. But it can’t keep you down. I can be thankful for the lesson and remember life goes by too quickly to let others make me doubt myself. I have toned down significantly the number of controversial issues I discuss online; I am more likely to send a link to a friend and talk about it one on one instead of having public debates. However, I can’t pretend that I don’t have the belief system I have and I can’t stand down when I want to stand up for myself and what I feel strongly about.
And remember, others want to hear your story too. You never know when you’re going to inspire someone. Keep going. Keep believing. Keep being true to yourself.
