Learning how to be a better parent... with a little help from a friend
I’m on vacation, and the siren call of social media is
calling me, pulling me into its web. I itch to look at FacebookTwitterInstagram,
and it feels like an addiction, this need to check in and see what is going on
in the online world. And then I look around; no one in my extended family has a
phone in his or her hands. No one is
checking anything but the scene unfolded in front of us: the blue sky with
scant clouds skipping across the sky above the line of the Gulf, the sand
mermaid some visitors had created near our umbrella, the four cousins playing
in the surf.
I take some pictures, and then bury my iPhone in the
backpack until later. I have days to enjoy and connections to make with people
in person. Not online. I’m trying to
unplug. I’m doing better as I disconnect from the online world and connect with
the people in front of me.
It helps that I have a book to read on this vacation that
has changed the way I think about connecting and how to keep it balanced. I
have been referring to it all week.
The author of this book is a very special person and good
friend. I found her through another friend who pointed me to her blog with this
message on July 12, 2011: “I love this
blog and often think of you when I read it, because it's so thoughtfully and
beautifully written. The author's point of view about focusing on what's
important in life is motivational to me!
Love, Christine”
The blog Christine told me about was just getting started,
with about 1000 fans on Facebook and a small but loyal following. I wrote to
the author, telling her how much I enjoyed her essays, and we slowly and
gradually built a friendship. Last year, I finally had the chance to meet her
in person, and we had lunch in a beautiful restaurant halfway between
Birmingham and Atlanta and talked non-stop for two hours.
Rachel and I had forged a friendship built on mutual respect
and encouragement. We brought each other up when we were feeling down. Now, two and a half years after I first
opened her site for the first time, Rachel’s blog – Hands Free Mama – has
launched essay after essay with millions of readers around the world. Her
Facebook fan page has over 90,000 likes. Her first essay on The Huffington Post,
"The Day I Stopped Saying ‘Hurry Up’” broke viral records for the publication,
with over a million likes. That’s a lot of people nodding their head saying,
“Yes, yes. I understand this. This is something I needed to read.”
I received my advance reader’s copy a few weeks ago, and I
smiled as I started reading the pieces that were both familiar and unfamiliar
to me. See, it’s not just that I enjoy and respect Rachel’s writing, but it has
affected my parenting on an everyday basis.
When I got to the acknowledgements, I was reading along and
I saw my own name there in print. The pages grew blurry as my eyes blinked back
tears.
Kristin Shaw came across my blog in its
infancy. She saw an initiative worth endorsing, and she did, with every fiber
of her being. As a fellow writer and blogger, Kristin became my confidant in
times of frustration and doubt. On one particularly rough night, I considered
deleting my blog. But instead, I sent a message to Kristin. Kristin’s response
inspired a profound revelation that forever ceased outside negativity from
impeding my journey.
A beautiful paragraph that was one of the highlights of my
year. And in fact, it’s Rachel’s gifts to me that make me a better mother and a
better person.
I hear Rachel’s gentle voice asking me why I’m in such a
hurry. And I slow down.
I remember Rachel’s message about distraction, and I put my
phone away.
I feel unpretty, and I recall Rachel’s story about the way
she looks in the eyes of her children. And I take out my hat and go.
I think about the sweet messages Rachel and her girls left
for their garbage collectors, and think about ways I can make someone’s day.
Every single day, one of Rachel’s essays rings in my head.
And I listen.
Rachel’s way is not to tell parents what do say and how to
act. She relays stories from her own experience and describes the effects on
her own family – for better and for worse. She doesn’t hide from her mistakes
of her past, and that’s what makes her so real.
As I have seen Rachel’s star rise, I have wanted to burst
with happiness for her. My friend Melissa has a saying she likes to use on a
regular basis: all ships rise together. In other words, by supporting and
encouraging each other, we all win. All of our ships prosper and rise above the
waves. All of us make it to the shore of our choosing. As a woman, it's
wonderfully gratifying to hear others talk about ways to help each other.
This is where Rachel excels; her words lift us all up, as
parents, and as women. As she says on her site, “The truth hurts, but the truth
heals.” As I face my own shortcomings, I remember Rachel’s stories and know I
can always improve.
I hope Rachel’s book breaks every record on Amazon. I hope
she sells out of every bookstore. I will be right here, cheering her on. Her
success proves that good things come to good people.
Love,
