Simple acts of kindness
Unwanted tears filled my eyes. One, because I have wanted to take our annual photo of him in the bluebonnets for the last two weeks and haven't been able to squeeze it in. Two, because it's a bittersweet feeling, receiving a photo of your baby from someone else while you're several states away. And three, because I am tired from being on the road and I can't wait to get home to my little boy.
I remind myself that I'm very lucky: at least I work from home, and we have a full-time sitter who comes to our house, and I'm not forced to leave him at the least expensive daycare, as mothers must do every day.
And still, I sometimes feel a little sorry for myself. Go ahead, if you want, and beat me up and tell me that I should be grateful for what I have and suck it up. Believe me, I know. Sometimes, it doesn't comfort me enough when I miss him while I'm on a business trip or when I come downstairs for some lunch and he says, "Are you ready to play with me, Mama?"and I must tell him, "Not yet, baby."
As the tears slid down my cheeks on that day at the airport, I tried in vain to keep them in. I kept my head down and dabbed at my eyes with a rough, papery napkin that smeared my mascara more than it absorbed my tears. I felt lonely and sad and frustrated and tired.
Then, someone noticed.
A waitress passed by, laden with plates on the way to a table behind me, and she stopped and said, "You OK, honey?" I nodded my head yes, embarrassed to be caught in this moment, wanting to hide. At the same time, I was touched; she cared enough to stop. A few minutes later, a man having lunch with his wife approached my table and picked up my jacket, which had fallen to the floor, and gently hung it on the back of my chair.
These two simple gestures gave me comfort, hundreds of miles from home. In a world where we are constantly bombarded with tragic stories of death, and abuse, and assault, and hate, sometimes just an act of kindness from a stranger can overcome all of the negative noise all around us.
I would have told each of them how much it meant to me to have that support on that day, but I was in no shape in my overtired state to do it without tears, and I thought they had done enough.
I posted the photo of my son in the bluebonnets to my Facebook page, and my wise friend Kiran said, "It is bittersweet - but so glad the moments get captured by someone who cares even when we can't be there." And that's the important thing: he is loved and cared for, and I'm doing my job to provide for our family. We have a fantastic life and keeping focus on what is right is the key to happiness for me, for my husband, and our son. It goes fast, and I'd rather focus on what's right than what I wish were different. It's not always easy, and I have a cadre of moms all around me who remind me and help me keep my perspective. And once in a while, pinch me and give me a reality check.
While traveling, especially, it only takes a second to notice the gnarled hands twisted with arthritis on the man next to you on a plane, and reach over to unlatch his tray. Or to see a mother struggling to carry a car seat, a baby, and a bag, and offer to help her. Or to see a crying stranger and ask her if she's OK.
Taking a moment to notice a stranger, to offer a hand, give a compliment, or start a conversation means something. It means a lot, and could mean more than you know.
When I arrived home in Austin, I saw a mother with a baby in a stroller at baggage claim, waiting for her bag to emerge on the conveyer belt. I smiled at her baby and said to the mother, "Your baby is adorable. Can I help you with your luggage? I have a three-year old and I know how it is to travel alone."
She thanked me and said that she thought she could manage because her cousin was coming to pick her up. We talked a little more, mothers exchanging pleasantries as we waited. I told her that I had traveled on more than 30 flights with my son, who is now 3 1/2, and I had met so many helpful people on the road. On every trip, someone had offered assistance in some way.
When I turned to pick up my bag, another woman walked by and offered her help to the woman with the baby, and I smiled. The mom called out to me, "You're right! People really are helpful."
I walked away feeling better, got into my car, and went home to see my waiting family. I stepped out of the car, and my son ran to me, jumping into my arms.
Reality check. I'm so lucky to have this life.
P.S. More posts on the topic of kindness this week from The Miss-Elaine-ous Life, and an incredible piece from Elsa Walsh at The Washington Post - I love the last line. Simply, "Motherhood is not a job. It's a joy."
The highlight of my week - aside from coming home, of course - was meeting my friend Rachel from Hands Free Mama in person. She is the one who inspired me to start Two Cannoli, and we have become good friends via email. Now that I've met her in person, I adore her even more. Her heart is a beautiful thing to witness, and her hugs are made of love. If you don't follow her already, trust me: she is a gem.
Love,
