Wanderlust... paused

In my 20s, I took every travel opportunity that came my way.  "Send me!  Send me!"  I'd beg my bosses for any chance I could.  As I became entrenched in an unhealthy relationship in my mid-20s and into my 30s, travel became my salvation; it became my freedom.

I saw Paris in the fall, winter, spring, and summer.  Dipped french fries in mayo in Brussels.   Sliced into tender wienerschnitzel in Stuttgart.  Dined at a table overlooking Lake Zug outside of Zurich.  I could not wait until my next trip and felt anxious when I was home for too long.

For me, that was the grown-up version of running away from home.  

When I was a kid - probably about 11 or 12 - I was angry with my parents for some perceived injustice.  I packed a tape recorder, a sketch book, and a granola bar and headed out to the edge of our neighborhood, near where the wild strawberries grew.  I looked out over the mounds of dirt, soon to become an extension of our neighborhood, and I listened to music and sketched the landscape.  Once I had calmed down, I was happy to go home again, where I knew I had a family who loved me.

In the midst of my mid-20s wanderlust season, I knew in my heart that I didn't have someone at home who loved me, and I couldn't face it.  I didn't want to come home; instead of facing my fears of being alone and ending the relationship, I took respite on the road.  And with each time away, I felt both revitalized and relieved, because it gave our relationship just enough space in the rubber band to stretch away from each other until the inevitable snap back to reality.  

Now that I have a family at home I love fiercely, I don't want to wander anymore.  My wanderlust isn't lost, exactly, but it's on hiatus.  I am still required to travel as part of my job, and I truly appreciate the opportunities to see places I've never seen on someone else's dime.  And once I'm there, I soak up the culture and see as much as I can in the time I'm allotted. 

Soon, I leave for Dubai for six days, and it feels like I'm hurling out into outer space, far from my family.  I'll be in a country I've always wanted to see and flying futher than I've ever flown.  The miles will be a welcome reward, as will the hotel and AmEx points.  I know that I will see things I may never see again, because there are so many other places to visit in my lifetime.  I haven't even seen all of the country where I live yet.  

In this stage of my life, my home is where my family is.  I want to be where they are.  And at the same time, I recognize that some of the experiences I've had on the road wouldn't have been the same without the opportunity to be independent and explore on my own.  Some of these road trips are where I've made some very close friends - friends who have families they miss and understand that we are to make the most of every chance.  Friends who go to baseball games in new cities, and arrange sea plane excursions and soccer games overseas.  Friends who share laughs and upgrades and dinners and cab rides.

Brad Paisley's newest single says it best, and my husband, my son, and I love to watch this video and follow along as he films in 8 countries in 8 days, talking about missing home but celebrating the new places he's been. 

And I miss my Tennessee home

But I can see the ways that I've grown

I can't see this world unless I go

Outside my southern comfort zone

I have to leave my comfort zone for a little while.  Where is your road leading you?

Love,
Kristin