Stand Up
"It’s easy to think that my contribution doesn’t matter, or that I can still model my preferences to my children while encouraging them to think critically and make their own decisions based on what their heart tells them. But they need to know that if we as human beings all have the right and the ability to take a stand for something we believe in — or something we don’t."
A month or two ago, a friend of mine had an alarming experience at a large store in Indiana and she asked me to tell her story, which illustrates this point perfectly. Her story, in her words:
Would you stand up for a stranger? For a child?
* * *
It was around 6:30 in the morning, and the place was almost empty. My daughter and I went early to stock up for our trip to the beach that day, and I didn't notice the people coming in behind us, but my daughter noticed one person in particular. He was a fat man, and I don't feel guilty about calling him that in this story. Neither of us had noticed the boy, Josh, who had come in with them, until the fat man started bellowing and yelling. I'll never forget this little boy's name, because the man kept yelling it over and over.
Josh looked to be about 7-8 but could possibly be a small 10-11. I couldn't believe that the man was yelling across the store. Who does that? And not yelling in a fun, kidding way (if there is any such thing). He was loudly yelling at Josh, and the worst part was that he was yelling at him for coughing. "What are you coughing for Josh; are you going to get sick? You better not throw up on this floor. You're so worthless I don't know why you even came."
As
soon as I heard, "You are worthless!" I wanted to cry.
In the past, I have always told myself it's none of your business; just stay out of it. I looked at Josh and the poor kid was skinny, with holes in his pants. I justified the holes to myself, thinking "kids love jeans with holes". But I couldn't justify the fact that he was coughing, was wearing no socks with his shoes, and all I think about was "he needs medicine".
I told my daughter that we needed to do something, and about that time I heard Josh yelling back at the man. The man yelled back, "You're tough now; you better watch your mouth. Just wait until we get home!" Josh walked away from him.
The whole time, there was not one peep out of the woman. Let ANY man treat my child like that and I'll string him up. I told my daughter that we need to find Josh and make sure he's alright. I had no clue what I was going to do when I found Josh or even how to how to find him. My daughter said, "Mom, he's a kid, he'll be in the toys!"
All kinds of thoughts were flying through my head, including "be careful - you don't want to look like a kidnapper or like you're trying to stalk a child". I just wanted to buy him new shoes, socks and medicine for that cough; you don't yell at a kid for coughing, you take care of him,
I was talking a lot to my daughter about how I didn't know what to do but I knew we needed to do something. As we turned the corner to the second toy aisle, there he was. OK, now I have found him, I thought. What next? I didn't want to scare him either.
I approached Josh and gently asked him if he was OK.
He wouldn't look at me; he just said, "Yeah, I'm fine!"
I told him, "That man shouldn't treat you like that, you know that, right?"
Then Josh turned his head and looked right at me, and I wasn't surprised to see a bruise on his cheek. Josh again said, "Yeah." He then went back to looking at the toys as if to dismiss me.
I went to find a store manager. I felt such urgency: someone has to do something. Unfortunately, they won't get involved. We don't have cell phones so I couldn't call the police. What to do? We finished picking up what we needed, and my daughter told me she heard the man telling the woman that he wasn't going to be there all day with that two-page list. So we loaded our packages in the back of the truck and waited. Only one entrance/exit was open so I knew where they had to come out. My plan to get the license number and call a personal friend who works in the system and see if she could look into it.
In the past, I have always told myself it's none of your business; just stay out of it. I looked at Josh and the poor kid was skinny, with holes in his pants. I justified the holes to myself, thinking "kids love jeans with holes". But I couldn't justify the fact that he was coughing, was wearing no socks with his shoes, and all I think about was "he needs medicine".
I told my daughter that we needed to do something, and about that time I heard Josh yelling back at the man. The man yelled back, "You're tough now; you better watch your mouth. Just wait until we get home!" Josh walked away from him.
The whole time, there was not one peep out of the woman. Let ANY man treat my child like that and I'll string him up. I told my daughter that we need to find Josh and make sure he's alright. I had no clue what I was going to do when I found Josh or even how to how to find him. My daughter said, "Mom, he's a kid, he'll be in the toys!"
All kinds of thoughts were flying through my head, including "be careful - you don't want to look like a kidnapper or like you're trying to stalk a child". I just wanted to buy him new shoes, socks and medicine for that cough; you don't yell at a kid for coughing, you take care of him,
I was talking a lot to my daughter about how I didn't know what to do but I knew we needed to do something. As we turned the corner to the second toy aisle, there he was. OK, now I have found him, I thought. What next? I didn't want to scare him either.
I approached Josh and gently asked him if he was OK.
He wouldn't look at me; he just said, "Yeah, I'm fine!"
I told him, "That man shouldn't treat you like that, you know that, right?"
Then Josh turned his head and looked right at me, and I wasn't surprised to see a bruise on his cheek. Josh again said, "Yeah." He then went back to looking at the toys as if to dismiss me.
I went to find a store manager. I felt such urgency: someone has to do something. Unfortunately, they won't get involved. We don't have cell phones so I couldn't call the police. What to do? We finished picking up what we needed, and my daughter told me she heard the man telling the woman that he wasn't going to be there all day with that two-page list. So we loaded our packages in the back of the truck and waited. Only one entrance/exit was open so I knew where they had to come out. My plan to get the license number and call a personal friend who works in the system and see if she could look into it.
It could be nothing... but what if?
As we waited, I kept wondering: what IS going to
happen to Josh when they get home?
They
still hadn't come out, then... A police car pulled to other end of the
parking lot. I started the truck and chased him down; he probably thought I
was a crazy lady! I told him what we had witnessed and mentioned it
could be nothing...but what if? We gave him a description and he said he
was going to go find them.
About 15 minutes later the police officer came to the truck; he could not find them. My daughter and I went back in to help, and we
started looking near the toys again. By now I wished I had thought to get a picture
of the bruise on Josh's face with my iPod. We couldn't find them
anywhere. Then, as we were rounding a corner I caught a glimpse of the fat man's hat and you could hear him STILL yelling. We turned
left, nodded our head to the the police officer, and he turned right, toward them. I could hear the fat
man telling Josh, "If you don't straighten up, I'll send you home with
that guy [the police officer]!" I thought to myself, you don't use a police officer to
threaten your children; if they ever need emergency police help, who will
they call?
The
officer had taken all my contact information so he could let me know
once he had talked to the group if he would recommend a case be opened.
About
an hour and half later I got the call. He spoke with the fat man and
asked him how Josh got the bruise on his face; the fat man had lied and
said it was marker. He asked if I would testify if needed, and I said absolutely, yes. He
then asked if my daughter would be willing to testify, and I said that was a decision for her. I
must be doing something right because she was MORE than willing!
Our
names in all reports stay unknown until we testify, if needed. I haven't
heard anything else yet but I worry about Josh still... he is at home
with that kind of treatment, and is growing up learning that this behavior is normal.
Our family is FAR from normal but we love all our unique kids, and their
crazy ideas, and not one of them would have a clue what verbal/physical
is like from us.
Honestly
if it were legal, I would have bought that little Josh shoes and socks
and a bottle of medicine to hide in his pocket so the fat man wouldn't
find it. That was a thought that went through my head but then I thought
if he is being abused and medicine is found what beating would that get
him?
In
the end, I'm glad I did something. If it turns out that he bumped his
face playing, and those people did buy medicine so he's better, and
there is no abuse, then praise God he's safe! But if not, and he's being
hurt and this gets him out of that, he deserves better. At the least, I hope that he sees that someone cared enough to ask him if he is OK.
I kept debating on whether to do anything or not; I grew up with chaos so I keep my adult life nice and calm. I told myself "it's not your business; just leave it alone!" But the man just kept yelling at Josh, and I had my daughter with me; what example was I setting for her?
* * *
Sometimes, sticking your nose in could make a difference. You're showing your children how to stand up for what they believe.
What do you want your children to see in you?
Love,
I still think about Josh just haven't heard any news.
Hopefully no news is good news.
I want to get the point across that we shouldn't always think it's someone else's business.
I want to get the point across that we shouldn't always think it's someone else's business.
I kept debating on whether to do anything or not; I grew up with chaos so I keep my adult life nice and calm. I told myself "it's not your business; just leave it alone!" But the man just kept yelling at Josh, and I had my daughter with me; what example was I setting for her?
* * *
Sometimes, sticking your nose in could make a difference. You're showing your children how to stand up for what they believe.
What do you want your children to see in you?
Love,