Love Wins

Goodbye, house.

When I moved to Austin almost four years ago, I didn’t want to go. I dug in my heels; a part of me wanted to rebel and stay in Atlanta, where I had friends I adored, and a job I liked, and a house I loved.  I cried every night for the three weeks before the actual move date.

I said goodbye to our house, after Will played Tetris with the moving boxes and somehow fit our whole life in the moving van, and we drove off to our new city.

Hello, moving van.

In Austin, I was awed by our new town and excited to explore, but I was lonely and missed my friends.  MySpace wasn't a site I embraced fully, but the same friend who convinced me to sign up for MySpace pushed me to set up a page on Facebook.  “Come on,” she said.  “Get with it, Kristin.”  

Facebook provided me with instant community, and I was hooked. 

 It was 2008, and an election year.  I was happy to "see" my friends online, used the chat function frequently, and joined in lively discussions and debates about politics.  Facebook provided me with a community that felt so near when I was far away from everyone I knew and loved.  

Good: All summer reunion activities are organized via Facebook

There are so many things to love about Facebook:  

...Finding old friends

...Making new friends

...Getting to know your community

...Joining groups of people with similar interests

...Planning events and reunions

... Interesting discussions and perspectives

Bad: Unfortunately, this happens.

But Facebook also has a dark side:

...Angry words

...Drama and "vague-booking"

...Mean-spirited gloating

...Bullying 

...Jabs from a distance, without accountability

The fascinating thing about Facebook is the propensity to engage in discussions one might never dream of having in person, on topics that wouldn't be brought up in polite company.  What is it about Facebook that makes people want to bare their teeth?   I'm guilty of jumping in – I can’t seem to stop myself from joining the debates on issues I feel strongly about, and sometimes, I wish I hadn’t.

Online debates occur between real friends and friends of friends they don't know (or with friends they haven't seen in many years), which makes it very easy to hurl insults and strong opinions, or accuse someone of idiocy.

And yet, there is a place for discussion.  Does Facebook and Twitter replace what used to be discussed only on college campuses or at town hall meetings?  If so, there is some good there.

A few months ago, a woman I knew in high school who unfriended me, because she didn't like my point of view.  That's perfectly fine; I prefer to devote my time to open-minded people who are strong enough to handle a dissenting opinion.  Social media can both expand and distill your friendships.

I will not stop being friends with someone just because we disagree.  I'd be missing out on someone else being true to his or her beliefs, and that is compelling conversation. 

We could argue until the cows come home.

"One can't possibly hope to invoke change by being silent," I read on a recent post on a friend's page.   Yes, this is absolutely true.  You should speak up on issues that are important to you, and who knows?  Maybe you'll give someone out there something to think about at an angle he hadn't considered. 

The truth is, however, most people are not going to change their mind based on what anyone posts to Facebook.  These decisions are made in deep reflection and series of conversations and heart-to-heart talks with our own consciences. We are all passionate about our beliefs and can't figure out why others can't see our perspective.  (If you really want to know what I believe in, click here.)

We all believe we're right.

Don't be a dung beetle about it... be respectful.

I'm pretty sure the world would be a boring place if we all agreed.  Some of my friends and I have different beliefs, but as long as they are respectful, kind, and compassionate, we can most certainly still be friends.  In fact, there is a great deal of value in the different opinions of my friends and family.   There are subjects that I know to avoid in certain company because the issues run too hot.  

Debate can be healthy.  I don't support name-calling or disrespectful behavior, whether you're talking about someone in a thread or the president of the United States.   Say your piece and I will listen and think it over.  I want to hear your point of view and I'll probably ask you a lot of questions so that I can understand where you're coming from.  If you're the kind of person who's leading a march called "God hates gay people" or "Trayvon Martin got what he deserved" we are probably not friends anyway, because I don't tolerate hate.  If you're not supporting hate, then you have an opinion worth discussing. 

From author Rachel Held Evans:

Difficult conversations...can actually lead to understanding...especially with people we love and trust.

We don't all agree?  C'est la vie.

And here we are again... it's 2012, and an election year.  There are big frustrations in our country and I find myself on the fence on some issues.  On others, I am crystal clear.  I want to know what you think and I will consider your perspective as I make my decisions on my own time.  I will join conversations about candidates and platforms.  Sometimes, I will be compelled to debate my side and hear you out, and look forward to reading educated opinions.  

So bring it on... I want to hear your opinions about the candidates, the issues, and your feelings about them.  And about life in general.  Let's talk about it.   
 
One of my favorite people runs a Chick-fil-A in Alabama to support his beautiful wife and three kids.  From an ideology perspective, we disagree on many things.  Do I agree with all of his politics?  No.  Do I adore Brian?  Yes.   The bottom line is that we're both people who care about our country and we care about our families.  We can talk about our differences and still be friends.  

Because that's what friends do.   

That's why I know that when it's all said and done, 
LOVE WINS.  Every time.

Love,