Advice from a former college freshman
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| University of Cincinnati |
Those four years flew by, and they had their share of joy, and angst, and heartache, and incredible new opportunities and friends. Every person has to make her own way; here is my humble offering of advice to all of the women out there starting their own journeys.
I have four nieces and a goddaughter, and I hope they read these too, over time.
You may be in the process of finding yourself in your college years, and it's the best time to do it.
1) Get a job.
Whether you're completely funded by mom and dad or not, you should start earning your own money. There are plenty of jobs to be had on campus and off, and if you can find a job that allows you to study, that would be ideal. My job for four years of college was with the intramurals department; I sat in a chair next to the gym, or the racquetball court, or the track, and checked student IDs while reading my text books. Not only was I making money, I was making new friends (and became "Shoemaker Center girl" around campus by people who recognized me from there).
When you get out of school, you'll need a reference - why not work part time, even one day a week? It's a great start to real life, and you might meet some new people.
2) Don't let alcohol - or drugs - get the best of you.
The week before I started college, the dorms were open for orientation and general debauchery. My new friends at Siddall Hall were incredulous to find that I'd never been drunk before. Enter a bottle of Boone's Farm and a very silly night. Luckily, these girls had my back and made sure I got home safely and I remember everything, including taking my shoes off on the dance floor at a local club and laughing like an idiot.
Everywhere around you, people will be drinking and trying drugs. I'm not going to preach and tell you to turn it all away; only you can make that decision. Stand your ground if you are not into it and no one will care. Trust me - I was offered drugs plenty of times in the rock band crowd. I said, "Nah... no thanks" and no one said a word about it.
As a woman, you need to be extra careful and don't drink past your tolerance - blacking out is a bad idea, especially when you're with people you don't know well. All kinds of things can go wrong and you wouldn't know for sure what happened the next day. That first night of Boone's Farm wasn't the last night of drinking, but I was careful. Know your body's limits.
3) Be cautious about inviting a stranger to your room. And be wary of "friends" too.
I was very naive. Out at a club past midnight near my dorm, I was chatting up a tall blonde upperclassman who happened to be a second- or third-string quarterback for the football team. When I was ready to go home, all of my girlfriends had already left, and Mr. Quarterback offered me a ride back to my dorm (which was literally across the street) in his red sports car. I don't remember if I invited him up or if he asked to come up, but I do remember he was sitting in a chair on one side of the room and I was on the other, talking away obliviously about sports. It wasn't long before he realized I was clearly not a "Sure Thing Freshman" and took his leave.
Not everyone is quite the gentleman, and another time I was alone with a man was not as lucky. I was at a fraternity party and a freshman hopeful named Jason lured me upstairs with the promise of a tour of the house. He went to high school with one of my girlfriends, and I didn't think twice about it. Once upstairs, he shoved me onto a bed and began to paw at me as I attempted to detach him and said no as he tried to unbutton my shirt. Luckily, I was pretty strong and he was fairly drunk; I threw him on the floor. It was rumored that he was blackballed from that fraternity after that; another one took him in.
The time that really shook me, however, was the time I went to the dorm room of a guy who was dating my best friend; he called me to come over and talk him through a problem he had (so he said over the phone). I was taken by surprise and I didn't escape unharmed; 20 years later I still cannot talk about the details, and I didn't tell anyone about it, thinking I somehow invited this. Don't be as naive as I was.
4) Be smart. Be safe.
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| Every one of my graduation photos from 1993 is blurry... |
Take a self-defense course. It will help you be more confident and walk with purpose, but you can also potentially extract yourself from situations as in #3, above. Even if you you're a black belt, though, don't walk alone at night and don't kid yourself: crime can happen even on the nicest campuses.
5) Change your major.
Who, pray tell, at 18 knows what she wants to do for the rest of her life? Not that many people. Take advantage of campus career counseling - they'll steer you in the general direction. And take heart: it's not likely that you're going to want to switch from English Lit to medical school. You're probably in the right vicinity and need to tweak it a little.
Enrolled in Anthropology and hate it? Make a change. Do it now. Don't look back.
6) Show your professors that you care.
In high school, I think I coasted through. Yes, I did my homework and everything that was required of me, but when I got to college, I didn't really know how to STUDY. Focus. Pay attention.
After trying to sail through my freshman year the way I did in high school and coming up with a couple of Bs and a C, I was disappointed in myself and made some changes. First of all, I sat up front in class. Sitting in the back in a huge lecture hall allows you to cheat off of the more gifted physics students in astronomy class, but it doesn't give you the opportunity to interact and learn the material. When you sit near the front, you are engaged. You're more likely to ask questions. You have to pay attention because the professor might call on you.
Challenge yourself.
Your professors will also give you the benefit of the doubt if you seek them out during office hours. I was struggling with Statistics, which I detested, and my professor had a very pronounced Pakistani accent I could not understand in class. Talking to her one on one, I could get the instruction I needed, and I'm sure it made a difference in my grade. In my much-anticipated Philosophy and Religion class, I had earned a C- on my first two essays. I approached my professor to find out what I was doing wrong; he gave me a chance to revise my first two essays and told me if I worked hard to earn an A on the third and final paper, he would give me an A in the class. He was true to his word.
Oh, yes... and don't skip class. You'll miss something for which you're paying thousands of dollars a year to learn.
7) Be open to new friends.
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| Clowning around at the dorm. |
My best friend from college was a tall, slender blonde with a boyfriend with hair as long and blonde as hers. I thought she was cool and untouchable until we realized that we loved the same music and bonded over Motley Crue (and we still love it). We're still friends, 23 years later.
8) Pick your roommates carefully.
Once you're out of the freshman dorm, you're going to look for people with whom you'll live for the next year or more. I had very thoughtful, conscientious roommates for three out of four years who paid the rent on time, didn't keep everyone else up all night, cleaned up after themselves, and were generally a blast.
I also had one roommate who collected the utility money from the other six of us and then used it to buy something for himself. We found out when I opened a bill to discover we were way behind and in danger of our gas and electricity being shut off. When we confronted this roommate with proof of his deceit, he caved and paid it all back quickly.
9) Experiment.
No, not THAT kind of experimentation (see #2, above). Try a class that intrigues you; for me, that was a whole year of Japanese. Years later, I impressed the CEO for whom I wrote speeches by writing his name in hiragana.
College is not just about the school itself... it is the chance to learn how to be on your own.
Be willing to fail to succeed, and put yourself out there to try something new. As a freshman, I was a walk-on for the rowing team after zero athletic endeavors since grade school except for aerobics and going to the gym on my own. It became my passion for four years; 5 AM wake-up calls and all.
10) Participate.
And finally...
BE YOURSELF. This should be #1, because it's the one you need to remember the most. You may be in the process of finding yourself in your college years, and it's the best time to do it. At the same time, don't waste it and throw away your own money or your parents' money. These may not be the best years of your life (for me, that time is right now - many years later) but they are pivotal, exciting years.
HAVE FUN!
P.S. Embarrassing moments will happen (trust me - read this post). Shake them off.
Much love,
