Can I Offer You My Hat?

Two Cannoli's very first guest post is from a blogger I admire very much:  Rachel Macy Stafford of Hands Free Mama.   About a year ago, my friend Christine sent me a link to Rachel's blog, with the note "I love this blog  and often think of you when I read it because it's so thoughtfully and beautifully written."  Christine urged me to start my own blog, and I finally did it.  Rachel and I have become cyber friends, and I adore her positive outlook and loving attitude.  Enjoy!

The more progress I make in letting go of the external distractions in my life (electronic devices, overcommitted calendar, and mile-long to-do lists), the more I’ve noticed the prevalence of internal distraction. And what I discovered is that internal distraction can be just as damaging as external distraction in my ability to live “Hands Free.” In fact, I find that some of the hardest days to grasp what really matters are my “Some days.”

These are my “Some days” …

Some days I feel lost

In a sea of “worthless,” “uncertain,” “ugly,” and “damaged.”

Some days I measure my worth

On things that will mean nothing in the end.

Some days I question my abilities.

Some days I question my dreams.

                                                                                                                      

Some days I hunger for freedom.

Some days I hunger for silence.

Some days there are no pretty words in my heart.

Some days there are no pretty words in my head.

Some days there are just no pretty words. 

Those are my “Some days,” but then there are the “Hat Days.”

Thank God for the Hat Days.

You see, around the time I started my “Hands Free” journey, I began wearing hats. Stylish, yes … sporty, yes … but that is not why I wore them.

I began wearing hats so that instead of spending time washing and styling my hair, I could simply throw on a hat and spend time interacting with my family and having fun.

(Fun: something I almost forgot how to do when I was trying unsuccessfully to “Do It All.”)

Throwing on a hat was not a conscious decision at the time. In fact, I didn’t even notice that my hat collection was growing, and I was wearing them several times a week.

But someone else did.

And the fact that this particular person noticed encompasses every reason why I made the decision to go “Hands Free.” 

It is what seals my commitment to living each day, not just barely making it through each day.

It is exactly what I need to battle the enemy that lives in my “Some days,” and allows me to believe that I might even win.

This is my story…

In my then four-year-old daughter’s preschool class, the children were asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Based on their answer, the student created a paper doll model of themselves as grown ups.

Amongst the classroom paper doll collection of doctors, teachers, fire fighters, dolphin trainers, and veterinarians, there was a woman in a pink dress wearing a brightly colored bike helmet of some sort.

My child’s teacher was kind enough to hand deliver the doll to me and provide an explanation.

“This is what your daughter wants to be when she grows up,” her teacher explained as she held up the paper doll.

She pointed directly to the hat and said, “She wants to be a mom, but not just any mom. She wants to be a mom who wears a hat – a mom just like you.”

And if that wasn’t enough to make me crumple into an emotional mess, she added, “Your daughter has the biggest heart.”

Later that evening, I proudly held up my child’s creation for my husband and recited exactly what her teacher told me about the doll.

And without missing a beat my husband said, “A hat? The biggest heart? That’s you. That is ALL you.”

In that moment, I felt like holding that doll to my heart as one would hold a bag of ice on a swollen bruise.

I suddenly realized that the critical inner dialogue I use on my “Some days” causes tunnel vision that goes straight to my external and internal “flaws.” (Flaws that no else seems to notice and perhaps do not even exist, I might add.)

I realized my “Some days” create unrealistic standards that are actually meaningless, trivial, and shallow measurements of my worth.

I realized how much I needed someone to shake me and say, “Being a good mom and a loving human being are enough.”

My four-year-old daughter gave me more than the gift of validation; she gave me the gift of a new view.

Through the paper doll model of what she wanted to be, she opened my eyes to see myself in a nurturing, accepting, and forgiving light.

I ran straight to the bathroom and taped my “Mommy doll” on the mirror to remind myself of my new, more simplistic and loving measuring instrument.

I vow to stop measuring my worth by how I look, the cleanliness of my house, how successful my blog ever becomes, and the circumference of my waist.

I vow to stop measuring myself by my fat to muscle ratio, how fast I can run a mile, my child’s academic performance, and how many degrees hang upon my wall.

I vow to stop measuring myself by the bulges, the sags, the wrinkles, the doubts, the weaknesses, and the scars.

Because what it comes down to and the ONLY thing that really matters is this:

I am a loving mother to my children, and I am raising them to be kind and loving people.

And that is enough.

In fact, it is everything.

I vow to start seeing the same woman my daughter sees when she looks at me, the woman she wants to be when she grows up and the woman she is already starting to become.

I chose to start seeing the woman who opts on wearing a hat over washing and styling her hair because time doesn't wait to have perfect hair.

And time won’t wait while I get all my imperfections sorted out.

Time won’t wait while I try to become more like that woman or like that woman.

Time won’t wait while I try to achieve unrealistic and insignificant standards.

Time won’t wait while I try to "Do It All."

Time does not wait; therefore, I chose to stop wasting time.

I chose to stop looking at the things I am not and start looking at all the things I am.

This picture was taken on one of my favorite “Hat Days” with the precious child who opened my eyes and gave me a new view.

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If you enjoyed Rachel’s post, you can follow this "Hands Free Mama" and her revolutionary approach to letting go and living life by clicking "like" on “The Hands Free Revolution” on Facebook or through her blog at www.handsfreemama.com.  You can also follow her on Twitter @handsfreemama.

Do you have hat days?  I know I do, especially on the weekends!   ~ Kristin