Working Toward Kindness

Last week, I saw a young man in a wheelchair, a double leg amputee with a beautiful face etched in shame and sadness, asking for money at the intersection near my home.  I didn't have any cash, as usual, but I had a cool, unopened bottle of water on the seat next to me.  I handed it to him at the red light, asking him if he'd like some water, and he accepted it, meeting my eyes for a fraction of a second.  "Thank you, ma'am," he said softly.  I wished I could have helped him more.

Austin is a city that has very liberal panhandling guidelines.   You'll see people of every age and demographic on corners around town, especially at the main highways and downtown near UT.  From Wikipedia: "In some countries, begging is much more tolerated and in certain cases encouraged. In many, perhaps most, traditional religions, it is considered that a person who gives alms to a worthy beggar, such as a spiritual seeker, gains religious merit."  My husband and my friends and I have debated this topic frequently - I know that I'm over-optimistic, but I imagine that each panhandler has a sad backstory.  Others tell me that they're making tons of money, tax-free, and this is what they choose to do for a living, and we shouldn't support their habit.

I realize this is most likely true for many people I see on the corners holding signs asking for food or money.  "Hungry."  "Three kids to support." "Vietnam Vet."  Or even "Not going to lie, begging for a burger."  In my heart, though, I believe that there are some who truly need the help and it's difficult for me to turn away.  I feel sad when I see a woman with a sign that says she has kids to support.  I wanted to cry when I saw a man holding a sign asking for money to pay medical bills for his 4-year-old son with cancer.  Last year, I had a rare $20 in my pocket at Christmas time, and I gave it to a woman with a sign that read, "Living with 3 kids in hotel room. Please help."  I figured, at the very least, this woman needs this money more than I do right now, whether she's honest or not.  I don't regret it, even if she was not who she claimed to be.

A couple of years ago, I was having a conversation about this topic at dinner with some of my girlfriends and one said, "It's hard for me to imagine that someone has no one to turn to and can't do something besides beg for money on the side of the road."  I responded that I could imagine it.  I believe that someone without a strong support system could be one or two wrong steps toward a life on the street, and I'll give you an example:  our nanny is 20 years old, and her best friend is also 19 or 20.  Her friend, whom we'll call Annie, grew up with a mother with a drug problem, and her father passed away when she was very young.  She has a misdemeanor on her record for possessing marijuana, which she says was her boyfriend's and she was protecting him to ensure he could still get into college.  She recently wrecked her car because she wasn't wearing the glasses she requires to drive at night.  Bad decision after bad decision.  This young woman desperately needs an intervention; fortunately for her, she has an aunt and uncle who are going to take her in.

Young women like her, who grew up with a parent with an addiction, may not have many friends, because she may have been embarrassed or fearful to let anyone too close to her, lest they see what is going on in her house.  She may reach the end of the road and find herself without a place to live.  This is where I think some of the homeless are born.

Don't mistake my sympathy for naivete for all panhandlers.  I suppose what I'm saying is this: try to imagine the depth of shame it must take to do it.  They are still human.  They still have feelings.  They are not all con-men (or con-women).   It's not going to hurt me to give them, at the very least, a smile.  Because there is still a person in there, and the possibility of hope may not have died yet.  Maybe a little kindness will be what it takes to turn them around.

The pessimists will roll their eyes at me, and I don't care.  They can take their negativity, and their heartlessness, and their hard attitude.  I'm going to keep believing that somewhere, at some point, one of these people is going to turn his life around.  I'm not trying to be an angel, and I am probably not going to save anyone.  Nor am I perfect: I have said things I have regretted to people I love, I have turned my back at the wrong times.  I continue to make mistakes and learn from them.  I am going to go one believing that kindness is the right path, and that's the direction I want to go, and I continue to try.

Kindness.

P.S.  Please have a read: homeless mom Carey Fuller's take on the difficulties of finding shelter. It's not as easy as you might be led to believe.