Go ahead... look back
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| Graceland - Memphis, Tennessee |
So I relate the topic of this post to the myth of Orpheus and his love Eurydice. On their wedding day, Eurydice fell into a nest of vipers and she suffered a fatal bite on her heel. Her body was discovered by Orpheus who, overcome with grief, played such sad and mournful songs that all the nymphs and gods wept. On their advice, Orpheus traveled to the underworld and by his music softened the hearts of Hades and Persephone, who agreed to allow Eurydice to return with him to earth on one condition: he should walk in front of her and not look back until they both had reached the upper world. He set off with Eurydice following, and, in his anxiety, as soon as he reached the upper world, he turned to look at her, forgetting that both needed to be in the upper world, and she vanished for the second time, but now forever.
It's something that we do, as people: look back. We look back and think, "Why did I do that?" or "I wish I could have taken the other path" or occasionally "I'm so happy I took this road and not that one." I'm just as guilty as looking back as Orpheus, but my reflections have resulted only in self-recrimination. At a tough point in my life, I started to wonder what it would have been like if I would have taken a different path altogether. As I traced back, the twists and turns of the tributaries of my life led me back to so many unique opportunities - and even more importantly, people I love.
Both women and men look back at failed relationships and wonder why it didn't work out, or why they stayed with someone so obviously wrong for them (but couldn't see it except in hindsight) or what would have happened if they would have stayed together. It's difficult to avoid regret; what I have tried to learn how to do over time is frame the regret as opportunities to see what I gained instead. When you want to kick yourself about the steps you've taken, stop and retrace your steps and you may decide that you would not have changed the path anyway.
If I hadn't met him, I wouldn't have met his friend Brian. Who met my best friend from college, Kristi, at our wedding. They have been married for seven years now.
If we hadn't moved in together, I wouldn't have lived at Wright's Point in Ft. Wright, Kentucky, and would have missed out on the friendship of Stephanie and Dave May.
If I hadn't moved to Atlanta at his request, I wouldn't have met my friends Kristin (and then Jennifer!), Caran, Jenn, and Terrilyn at Socket Public Relations. I wouldn't have met Jen at TeleComputing. I would not have had a wonderful volunteer experience for eight years at Camp Breathe Easy and Camp Twin Lakes. Out of a group of six couples who used to hang out in Atlanta, five have been divorced and four are remarried with small children. I'm so glad I met these people and I'm quite sure they're all on a smoother road now too.
If he hadn't spent his days at the pool while I worked, he wouldn't have met Joel. And then I wouldn't have met one of my very favorite people in the world: Christine, my first friend in Atlanta. And then I wouldn't have met Becky or Amber either. Or the rest of my subcommittee Tonya,Terri, Kimberly, Shanme, and Anne.
If I hadn't taken his advice to take the job at Lanier instead of Director of Marketing for the Red Cross in Atlanta right after 9/11, I would not have met the many friends (Chris, Steph, Barb, Melissa, Russell) and experiences and that experience led me to my job at SITA. But most importantly, at Lanier I met Will, much later. And now we have Torin, and we are in the best part of my life so far.
Somehow, the Mad Libs of life lead you where you want to go. Don't look back to regret. Only look back to see where how far you've come.
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| Highlands, North Scotland |